Is Your Ego Defining Your Self-Worth?

Question:

Are you valuing your self-worth by these measures or by goals you set for yourself?

• Your Job/Career/Business
• Your Friends/Relationships
• Your Grades
• The School You Attend(ed)
• Pleasing Others
• Praise & Validation
• Your Paycheck
• Your Kids
• Your Address/Home
• Your Car
• Your Body Weight/Muscles
• Your Clothes and Appearance

If you are…..how’s that going for you?

Be honest. Are you happy?  Have you been happy?  Do you feel good? Do you truly love yourself?

There is nothing wrong with having goals, and/or having/doing these things in your life.  BUT…. if your goals, things and others are defining your identity of who you truly are, and filling up your self-worth & self-love cup, you are setting yourself up for deep emptiness in life. 

Basically, you are giving your power away. Your self-worth and self-love are tied to someone, something and/or a desired outcome, like a yo-yo, when in fact, it needs to be 100% tied to you….within.

I see self-worth as a deep, unconditional and healthy love that I have for myself. And that comes from within me. DEEP WITHIN

From my past experience, my self-worth was EXACTLY what I described in the beginning – dictated by others, things and achieved goals. My self-worth & self-love was a yo-yo (confession: still is at times :)). Some days I was high on life, high on worth, high on love. Other times, I was low, low, DEPRESSINGLY low. That was so exhausting to live life like this.

What I have learned over the years is that my identity, my worth, my love for myself was being controlled by my ego’s definition of self-worth. I had to go real deep to have this awakening moment.

I would like to share with you my personal take on why our ego is defining our identity and worth and some ways to shift towards a healthy self-worth and self-love way of being. I will try to keep it simple and not that deep. 🙂

Why is Ego Setting The Standards For Our Self-Worth? 

This is my perspective with how I see this little thing we call “life.”

Before we are born, we, our spirits, have a list of life lessons we are tasked to learn in “Earth School.” One big lesson is self-love. 

Then we are born!!! BOOM.  Awah, awah, (my baby cry sound)

We have amnesia. We forget what our life lessons are.   We just go on, and experience this gift of life, often forgetting our beautiful authentic light within, because of our experiences. 

Most of us are unequipped with healthy tools to use when we experience something that hurts our feelings/our hearts/our mind/our spirit.   

Most of us are hurting others because WE TOO are hurting inside.  We are wound poking each other.  We are passing to others OUR OWN pains, unknowingly and unintentionally. This can be quite a “shit show” of “shit sharing,” right?

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(Continue reading…. My story seems hopeless but I promise you it’s not! It will empower you to take action & it will come full circle to your worth.)

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When we have unpleasant life experiences, when we are the recipient of wound poking and/or shit sharing, or when we inflict pain onto others, we lose part of our Selves.  Our self-love and our self-worth.  

We begin to create stories and beliefs that we are “not enough” because we DO NOT KNOW how to process the emotions from the experience(s).  We DO NOT KNOW how to release the emotions.  We DO NOT KNOW how to shift our untrue stories.  We DO NOT KNOW how to HEAL.  We are unable to see our true, authentic light and divine love and truth within.  

This is when our ego likes to step in. 

Why?  Because our ego is just trying to protect us and make us feel better in a weird and unhealthy way. 

Our ego wants us to avoid and suppress our feelings and pains for the fear of feeling pain again. 

Because we have lost part of self-love and worth from an experience, this is when we begin to identify with ego’s definition of self-worth – which has that very goal oriented, outside of ourselves aspect to it.    

We begin comparing ourselves and our lives to others.  This can feel good and can be very serving to our ego’s worth when our self-worth goals are all met.  But it can also create additional suffering and lack when we cannot meet the ego’ s self-worth requirements.  

Comparing will always lead to suffering.  

Our ego, by bringing in the comparing, begins to run the show with how to feel about ourselves. Our self-worth becomes a yo-yo.  Up/down, Up/down….

“I have self-love and worth today,  yay!!” 

“I don’t have self-love and worth today, boo.”  

Does my perspective with “why our ego is defining our worth” resonate with you?  

I truly believe life does NOT have to be a “Yo-Yo of A SHIT SHOW’ when it comes to our self-worth.  LIFE can be and is a GREAT SHOW…….no matter what experience(s) comes our way. 

How To Move From Ego To Healthy Self-Worth/Self-Love?  

This part is my empowering and inspirational talk. Keep reading on ways to shift. Again, this is my perspective and this works for me!

Awareness is Key

We can 100% shift the yo-yo ego way of defining ourselves if we become aware and awaken to some things. 

Aware how? Read this slow and let it absorb. 

Aware “KNOWING” that….. 

• We ARE ALL ENOUGH. We are worthy. We are light. We are love.
• We are a spirit, born into this body and mind, in this life, with lessons to learn. The Big Lesson: Self-Love
• Life, people, experiences, are here to help us see and learn our lessons.
• We ALL have an ego self/mind.
• We ALL have free-will with our choices.
• We ALL have power to choose who will run our Life’s Show: our light (spirit) or our ego.
• We ALL have the power to pick up the pieces of ourselves that we lost along the way.
• We are the ONLY ones who can heal, grow and learn these lessons of Self-Love.
• It is OUR responsibility to do the healing & shadow work.
• We do not always “know” we have healthy tools to use.
• It is OUR responsibility to seek healthy tools out and use them.
• It is OUR responsibility to do “the work.” There are no short-cuts.
• WE ARE ALL BORN WITH SUPERPOWERS WITHIN, to CREATE THE REALITY IN LIFE WE WANT.

When we are truly aware of this, this is where our free-will and choice comes into play.

Our Choices Matter

We need to make the choices to do “The Work.”  It is that simple.  Choose and do things that will assist in healing. It is called shadow work: leaning into the shadows and reclaiming our light and love. 

Just do it.  Just Start.  Just do something today. 

Take Action By Seeking Tools

If we have no clue how or where to even begin, go seek assistance and then commit to it.  It is not a “one and done” type of thing. This “self-love lesson” is a life-long commitment.   

We all have a tendency to poke each other’s wounds.  And that is really not always a bad thing. See it as a reminder that we have more work to do in the self-love area. See it as a gentle push to do the shadow work and begin to heal the wounds. These wounds are often stemming from our younger days when we didn’t have healthy tools to use.

The tools are right in front of us.  Tools like:

• Psychologists, Counselors, Therapists, Life Coaches
• Self Help Books & Courses
• Supportive Communities & Groups
• Social Media “Mind – Body – Soul” Mentors
• Spiritual Teachers, Healers, Mentors & Courses
• Faith – God, Source, Angels, Guides

There are so many tools just waiting to be checked out.  So…..what is stopping us?  

Be Aware of Roadblocks

What stops all of us from taking action and continuing to do the work are our Fears, Limiting Beliefs and Ego. We get in our own way. It is NOT the fault of others. It is NOT the situation or “the cards we were dealt with.” There are no excuses for not taking action and seeking the tools to start the self-love healing journey.

Roadblock Thought Examples:

• I don’t really have a problem here that I can’t handle on my own.  I am good. 
• I do NOT want to feel pain or relive what I experienced. I’m scared. 
• Asking for and seeking out help is for the weak.  I GOT THIS.
• Going this route will not help me, nothing ever does. 
• “This too shall pass”.  It is not that bad. Things will turn around soon when…..
• What do you mean???  I AM GREAT!!!!!! MY LIFE IS PERFECT! Pfff, I love myself.

When these thoughts or similar ones pop in, just be aware that they are our fears, limiting beliefs and ego talking to us.  And to be honest, they may appear really big and loud. But when we lean into them with the healthy tools and support, they have NOTHING on us! WE CAN DO THIS! 

Just Do It. Press Start. Go!

We are ALL being called now to awaken to our truth. To the Light within. To Love.  

We are ALL being called to connect to Source, our guides, angels, our spirit, our light.  

If you are feeling unhappy, unsettled, unaligned, lost, confused, crazy, tired, etc….. sometimes like a yo-yo with the high and lows, well, you know what you need to do.

Just do it!

Call back your power, Call back your light, Call back YOU….all your LOVE and LIGHT that you left when you didn’t know how to process life.   

What’s Our “Why?”

It is important to identify why we choose to do this healing work. This work isn’t always easy. This work can be uncomfortable too. That is why we have to motivate ourselves and remind ourselves of our “why’s.” 

Some “Why” Examples: 

• Do we really want to be in this “Yo-Yo Shit Show” state of self-worth and self-love?
• Do we really want to share our stinky unprocessed unhealed shit with the ones we love the most?
• Do we really want to poke at other people’s wounds?
• Do we really want to pass to our children (future children) these generational pains, untrue stories and perhaps our limiting beliefs of self-love and self-worth?
• Do we really want to repeat all these life lessons of self-love in our next go at “Earth School?” In our next life?

I am speaking for myself, and the answer is a big fat no. These were all my “why’s” when I chose to embark on my healing journey years ago. I remind myself of my “why’s” when I encounter roadblocks and some really rough experiences too. “Why’s” are so important.

What Am I Saying?

We don’t know when our time is up. We don’t know when our graduation from “Earth School” will be. Will we pass the self-love lesson? Our participation grade DOES matter. Are we putting effort into this?

I speak about this BIG “self-love lesson.” But I am saving the best lesson to share for last. We are here in “Earth School” to experience ALL THE AMAZING JOYS AND GIFTS LIFE HAS TO OFFER US. Let’s make sure we pass THIS lesson too! It is too good to let LIFE slip through the cracks. 

The time is NOW to SHOW UP in YOUR life. 

Be Love, See Love, Experience Love.

Love Your Self. 

See and Know Your AMAZING Worth!